you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
