Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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