this beer tastes like vomit already
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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