This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize