don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
