your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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