Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
