lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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