Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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