I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He better not be in your backpack
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
