What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
