he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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