so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
