why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
