No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
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I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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