there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i drank out of a bidet.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
