I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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