You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
