Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
