i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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