Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize