I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
