You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It's Friday. Sex?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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