bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
