i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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