I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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