Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
