you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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