you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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