he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
