Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
