The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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