Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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