you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
