Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
