I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize