the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
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don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
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You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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