PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
