My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
