So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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