i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
