so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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