I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
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She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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