So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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