So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
