I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
