Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
