I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
