If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
