So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
