If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
