before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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