Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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