bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
