Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
