I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
