So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
