so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
