their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
