I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
