I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
